Desire for Unattainable Individuals: Nine Key Motivations Explained
In the complex world of human relationships, the allure of the unavailable often proves irresistible for some. A new study led by Professor Ronny Redlich at the University of Halle-Wittenberg sheds light on this intriguing phenomenon.
The unpredictability of the other person can be a magnetic draw for many. This mysterious quality, often associated with the elusive "bad boy" or "bad girl," can spark a desire that is hard to resist. However, it's important to note that this allure doesn't necessarily mean the person is inherently bad; rather, they may exhibit traits like emotional unavailability, dishonesty, or mixed signals that make them unsuitable for a healthy relationship.
People often find themselves persisting in relationships with disliked partners, even in the face of parental discouragement. This persistence can stem from a deep-seated need to prove to oneself and others that one deserves the object of their desire.
The thrill of the chase is another factor that fuels this pursuit. The excitement of pursuing what one cannot have can be intoxicating, providing a unique high that is hard to replicate in a more straightforward relationship.
Unconsciously, people may also place superhuman characteristics on their object of desire, further fuelling their pursuit. This idealisation can lead to the creation of a fantasy that is hard to let go of, even when faced with rejection.
Interestingly, romantic rejection can stimulate parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. This response can drive some people to continue pursuing the uninterested individual, despite the negative qualities they may exhibit.
Low self-esteem can also play a significant role in the pursuit of the unavailable. People with low self-esteem may feel that they are not worthy of love or attention, and pursuing someone who does not reciprocate their feelings can serve as a means to validate their worth.
However, it's essential to remember that treating oneself kindly is crucial to showing others the value in oneself. Investing time and energy in oneself is the only way to add value to oneself. By doing so, one can attract healthier relationships and move away from the pursuit of the unavailable.
In conclusion, the pursuit of the unavailable is a complex issue with roots in psychology. Understanding these roots can help individuals break free from unhealthy patterns and cultivate healthier relationships. It's important to remember that treating oneself kindly and investing in oneself is the key to finding lasting love and happiness.
