Guide for Building Durable Connections with Friends
Marielle Segarra, host of NPR Life Kit, and Nina Badzin, host of "Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship," offer valuable insights on maintaining long-lasting friendships.
According to Segarra, a key aspect of friendship is accepting and embracing your friends for who they are and who they're becoming. This includes being there for them during various life events, such as romantic partnerships, career changes, illnesses, financial ups and downs, births and deaths.
Badzin agrees, adding that long-standing friendships require forgiveness and humility. She finds that friendships that last share two qualities: people do not keep score, or they check themselves on that, and friends give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Badzin also suggests that a lapse in connection from a friend does not necessarily mean the friendship is over or that they don't care about you. Instead, she advises discussing feelings with a friend who seems to make little effort, using phrases like, "I love the time we spend together, but..."
Assuming the best in a friend means acknowledging that you might not have the whole story, Badzin explains. It's important to give your friends space to try different ways of living and to remember the ways a friend does put in effort, such as remembering birthdays or sending texts on important days.
Badzin also advises initiating invitations every so often to give friends the opportunity to express their interest in meeting. She further suggests redefining what effort in friendships looks like, as everyone has different skill sets.
Nina Badzin, who appears as a guest on the "Judging Meghan" podcast hosted by Meghan Judge, also emphasizes the importance of giving the greatest gift to a long-standing friend: allowing them to change.
For more tips from Life Kit, visit npr.org/lifekit.
