Strategies for Identifying an Unavailable Emotional Parent

Identifying an Unengaged Parent Emotionally: Tips and Strategies

In the realm of mental health, understanding the impact of an emotionally unavailable parent can be crucial. This article will explore the concept of emotional unavailability, its signs, and the ways to seek support.

If you've found yourself struggling with the emotional fallout from a parent who was not emotionally present, you're not alone. Emotional unavailability refers to a person's inability to be emotionally present for another, a term coined by Sarah Epstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Dallas, Texas.

Parents who exhibit emotional absence often include those with emotional unavailability, feeling isolated or emotionally numb. This can stem from their own upbringing where they were not encouraged to express or recognize feelings. In Germany, this is frequently observed among parents with mental illnesses, such as depression or anxiety, who may show inconsistent, distant, or harsh behavior that negatively affects the child's emotional development and attachment security.

Common signs of an emotionally unavailable parent include a lack of ability to "mirror" emotions, responding to children's emotions with impatience or indifference, avoiding or preventing discussion of negative emotions, being dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need, not being interested in the child's life, having difficulty expressing their feelings, being unable or unwilling to provide comfort during emotional distress, and being unwilling to engage in any feelings—positive or negative.

The emotional availability assessment model, developed by Dr. Zeynep Biringen, is a tool used to measure the quality of emotional interactions between parents and their children. The model includes four scales: Sensitivity, Structuring, Non-intrusiveness, and Non-hostility.

However, it's important to note that emotional unavailability doesn't necessarily mean that your parent lives with a mental health condition. Mental health conditions can sometimes influence how emotionally available a parent can be.

Healing from a relationship with an emotionally unavailable parent may involve shifting the way you perceive yourself and giving yourself permission to express what you truly feel. Seeking out people who are emotionally engaged can help show you what emotional availability should look like.

Practicing self-care, such as deep breathing techniques and moving your body by going on a brisk walk, can regulate the nervous system and help cope when you feel overwhelmed. Activities such as play and art-making can bring attention to the inner child that wasn't validated for being themselves.

If you feel the impact of an emotionally unavailable parent continues to negatively affect your well-being, speaking with a mental health professional may help. Therapy can offer tremendous healing benefits by creating an experience opposite of parental emotional unavailability.

Research from 2017 links both paternal and maternal emotional availability to positive outcomes in mental health, emotional regulation, relationship success, and social support as children enter adulthood. The emotional availability assessment scores are placed into four scoring categories: Emotionally available, Complicated, Detached, and Problematic or disturbed.

In conclusion, understanding emotional unavailability in parents and seeking support when needed can be a significant step towards personal growth and healing. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and to prioritise your emotional well-being. For more resources on finding mental health care and support, you can check out Psych Central's hub.