Managing a Partner Hesitant in Expressing Affection

Managing a Partner with Hidden Emotional Display

In relationships, emotional withholding can be a form of psychological abuse, used to control, coerce, or punish. This practice can manifest in various ways, such as the silent treatment, withholding sex, avoiding tough or intimate conversations, and refusing physical affection.

One common reason for emotional withholding is stress, trauma, family upbringing, or relationship dissatisfaction. In some cases, people who withhold affection may not know how to express their feelings or may need the help of a mental health professional. For instance, childhood trauma, fear of rejection, lack of empathy (as seen in covert narcissism), fear of losing autonomy in a relationship (common in attachment anxiety), or personality disorders such as schizoid personality disorder, which involves emotional detachment and limited desire for close relationships, can all contribute to emotional withholding.

A small 2022 study suggests that many people use the silent treatment when they're angry or frustrated. This behaviour, while not exclusive to abusive relationships, can be a harmful tactic when used repeatedly or as a means of control.

Research from 2021 also indicates that withholding sex is a common form of sexual abuse that women may experience. This act, like other forms of emotional withholding, aims to make the victim feel isolated and disempowered, which is a key part of the cycle of abuse.

In the cycle of abuse, the abuser is attempting to make the victim feel isolated and disempowered. Communicating clearly, creating a safe space for vulnerability, and providing reassurance can help a person who is withholding as a form of protection. Seeking the support of a mental health professional can also be beneficial when dealing with abusive emotional withholding.

Creating a safety plan with a therapist, trusted friend, or loved one is crucial to the victim's safety. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE, and the guide on How to Leave an Abusive Relationship can be found online.

It's important to remember that support and safety are possible for those experiencing abusive withholding. A therapist can help find additional support and resources, make a plan to leave an abusive situation, and discover techniques to cope with an abusive relationship. For those struggling with emotional withholding, understanding the reasons behind their actions and seeking help can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.