Manipulating Dialogue: A Strategy Abusers Employ to Exert Control

Manipulating Dialogue: A Strategy Often Employed by Abusers

In relationships, communication is key. However, for victims of emotional abuse, the entire counseling experience can sometimes backfire, leaving them feeling worse rather than better. This is because abusers often use controlling communication as a weapon to exert power and domination.

Abusers employ a variety of tactics to manipulate their partners. These include stonewalling, silent treatments, implications, gaslighting, lying, confabulation, blame, projection, bait and switch, acting innocent and clueless, forgetting, using social media, not responding to texts/calls, yelling, bullying, raging, non-verbal communication (body language), and monologues.

It's essential to remember that you are not obligated to be controlled by anyone. If a counselor recommends reading a book on how to communicate well in a close relationship, the abuser may not follow the advice, make a superficial effort, or use what's read to focus on what the partner does wrong in the relationship. Pretending that all an abuser needs to do is learn how to communicate better will not work, as the problem is not one of ignorance, but of motives and beliefs.

Trusting oneself is key to counteracting an abuser's communication hijacking. The Al-Anon mantra "I didn't cause it; I can't control it; I can't cure it; I won't contribute to it" can help in dealing with an abusive partner's behaviour.

Taking care of oneself is crucial in such situations. Spending time with safe people can provide emotional support and help maintain a sense of self-worth.

Walking away from abusive situations is a valid choice, and no justification or explanation is necessary. It's important to remember that you deserve respect and a healthy relationship.

Abusive people aim to control the relationship, but the victim is free to choose how to respond. Victims of emotional abuse often feel confused, frustrated, misunderstood, and defensive. However, understanding the manipulative tactics used by abusers can empower victims to take control and seek help when needed.

The author of a recommended book about good communication in close relationships is Stefanie Stahl. This book, along with self-care and support from others, can provide valuable resources for those seeking to improve their relationships and protect themselves from emotional abuse.