Marital Sorrow: Lamenting the End of Your Union

Shedding Tears for a Past Union: Lamenting the End of Your Matrimonial Bond

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Divorce can be a challenging and emotional experience, leading to a range of feelings such as sadness, relief, loneliness, anger, and grief. A 2021 study suggests that participating in mourning rituals can be beneficial for those going through this process, providing space to honour a lost relationship, let go of traumatic experiences, and picture oneself transitioning into their next chapter of life.

Examples of divorce rituals include writing a goodbye letter, journaling about the grieving process, creating a list of losses and gains, burning a wedding dress, making a memory box, throwing a divorce party, and lighting a candle on the anniversary of the divorce or marriage. These rituals can help honour the marriage, let go of the trauma and losses associated with it, and reinvent oneself as they enter a new phase in life.

In addition to rituals, seeking professional help can be a useful resource to navigate the grieving process. Therapy or group therapy can provide a safe space to share feelings and work through the challenges of divorce. It may also be helpful to make a list of one to three people who promise to be available if you need them, offering a source of support and love during this difficult time.

The lack of validation can lead to disenfranchised grief, a type of grief that is not openly acknowledged, mourned, or socially supported. This can make grieving after a divorce feel isolating. However, there are resources available to help connect those going through divorce with support groups and organisations that understand and can offer empathy and understanding.

DivorceCare.org is an organisation that provides resources and helps connect people in support groups who are going through divorce. Men's Divorce and Woman's Divorce are attorney-sponsored sites that offer helpful guides, information, and help connecting with a lawyer. In Germany, people grieving after a divorce can find support through counseling and mediation offered by organisations like Caritas, which provides individual and couple counseling as well as mediation during separation and divorce. Local groups such as pro familia may offer grief support groups, though more general divorce-specific grief groups may require contacting local counseling centres for availability.

The stigma around divorce has lessened, but some may still experience feelings of shame or failure. It's important to remember that everyone's experience with divorce is unique, and it's okay to take the time you need to grieve and heal. The five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - may pass through a series of these stages, though they may not be experienced in order, and some may last longer than others. If feeling stuck in a stage, reaching out to friends or seeking professional help may be beneficial.

A 2019 study found that divorced and widowed participants experienced lower levels of grief, depression, stress, embitterment, and loneliness after participating in an online self-help program for three months. Coping strategies and time can help one move on to the next phase in life after overcoming grief from a divorce.

In conclusion, grieving and coping with divorce can be a challenging process, but there are resources and rituals available to help. It's important to take care of yourself, lean on those who can offer support and love, and seek help when needed. By taking these steps, you can begin to heal and move forward into your next chapter of life.