Strategies for Approaching Your Partner for Assistance Without Appearing Harsh or Critical
In the realm of relationship advice, psychotherapist Catherine O'Brien stands out as a beacon of guidance. She suggests recognising and appreciating the helpful things your spouse does, whether big or small, as a simple yet effective way to foster a stronger bond.
O'Brien also encourages the use of "I" statements, structured as follows: "I feel __, because _ when . What I need is ___." This approach helps to express feelings clearly and avoid placing blame, creating a more constructive dialogue.
Clinton Power, another psychotherapist, recommends a soft start-up when addressing issues with your spouse. Speak in a gentle and concerned manner to set the tone for a friendly conversation. Power also suggests using prosody in your voice, speaking in a sweet, melodic style, to make the conversation sound friendly instead of demanding or critical.
Most couples, according to Power and Hirschfeld, get stuck in a negative cycle or dance where one partner pursues while the other partner withdraws. To break this pattern, Power advises setting clear boundaries with consequences if your spouse doesn't respond or take action.
Hirschfeld further advises focusing on the message before talking to your partner, asking yourself what you want your partner to hear. She also emphasises the importance of slow, simple language when discussing difficult emotions, as the brain needs clarity to process such feelings.
Therapy can be a powerful place to navigate relationship struggles and grow stronger, according to O'Brien. She encourages regular check-ins with your spouse to share what's going well and what you're struggling with, and to ask for what you need. Speaking from a vulnerable place is encouraged, as it invites your partner to be compassionate and empathetic.
Psychotherapist Mara Hirschfeld states that couples are neurobiologically hard-wired to respond differently to each other due to the partner being an "attachment figure." She advises figuring out your needs and spelling them out to your spouse for clearer communication.
Clinical relationship counsellor Clinton Power also suggests paying attention to non-verbal cues during discussions, attending to your tone of voice, using friendly facial expressions, using loving touch, remaining close in proximity, and maintaining eye contact.
While the exact identity and workplace of Mara Hirschfeld could not be confirmed from the provided sources, her advice aligns with the collective wisdom of relationship experts. The way a couple raises an issue is a highly accurate predictor of how the discussion turns out, according to therapist and researchers John and Julie Gottman. Therefore, it's crucial to approach conversations with care, compassion, and clear communication.
