Abandoning Self: Reasons and Ways to Prevent

The Reason for Self-Abandonment and Strategies to Prevent It

In the complex tapestry of life, one of the most crucial relationships we can nurture is the one we have with ourselves. This relationship, however, is often overlooked and neglected, leading to a pattern of behaviour known as self-abandonment.

Self-abandonment often begins in childhood, stemming from unmet emotional and physical needs from parents or other influential adults. As adults, this pattern is often repeated due to familiar patterns and the lack of knowledge on how to be there for oneself, as no one was truly there for the individual as a child.

Self-abandonment can take many forms. It can manifest as not trusting one's instincts, people-pleasing, hiding parts of oneself, perfectionism, self-criticism and judgment, not honoring one's needs, suppressing one's feelings, not acting according to one's values, codependent relationships, and not speaking up for oneself. These behaviours can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and unfulfilling relationships.

However, it's important to remember that everyone deserves care and comfort when suffering, and self-compassion is crucial. Self-compassion involves noticing struggles, recognizing that everyone suffers, and practicing mindful awareness of negative feelings. It's about allowing oneself to have feelings and needs, showing up for oneself, and recognizing that one is flawed but completely worthy.

Practicing self-compassion can be facilitated through various methods. Meditation, for instance, can help in cultivating acceptance of and tolerance for feelings. Popular meditation tools such as Calm, Headspace, and Insight Timer can guide individuals through the process. Identifying feelings throughout the day can also help in understanding personal needs. Using a list of feeling words can aid in this identification.

Advocating for oneself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are important aspects of self-love and trust. Everyone can be a safe haven for their own feelings and needs. Expressing oneself creatively, quirky, and uniquely can help in rediscovering one's true self.

According to Diane Von Furstenberg, the most important relationship in one's life is the relationship one has with oneself, as one will always be with oneself. Von Furstenberg, an author and fashion designer, and Kristen Neff, Ph.D., a researcher in self-compassion, have both contributed to the understanding and importance of self-compassion.

In conclusion, overcoming self-abandonment and cultivating a loving relationship with oneself is a journey that requires conscious effort and self-awareness. By recognizing the signs of self-abandonment, practicing self-compassion, and taking concrete actions to comfort oneself during difficult times, individuals can foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with themselves.