Unhealthy Boundaries in Relationships: Recognizing 12 Warning Signs
In the upcoming week, a series of 12 strategies will be presented to help individuals navigate difficult situations with people who try to overstep their boundaries. While specific details about these strategies are yet to be revealed, a related workshop titled "Setting Boundaries without Hurting" is scheduled for September 13, 2025. This workshop aims to teach strategies for saying no and showing boundaries without causing harm to others.
Understanding the characteristics of individuals with unhealthy boundaries is crucial in identifying such situations. Based on personal and professional experience, as well as the experience of clients, the following behaviours are often characteristic of someone intent on pushing boundaries:
- Manipulative people may attempt to "chip away" at the victim or their life through coercion, fear, or manipulation, often working subtly by revisiting a situation over and over again.
- Being overly secretive or evasive about their actions or whereabouts.
- Being overly critical or judgmental.
- Disregarding or ignoring your feelings and needs.
- A person with "switchable" behaviours and attitudes can be difficult to deal with, as they frequently violate boundaries and may come across as confused or uncertain about their decisions and emotions.
- Lack of respect for another person's need for privacy is a sign that the person is incapable of respecting their boundaries.
- Attempts to test the victim, repeatedly refusing to talk things out, be equal or fair, listen, and engage, or ignoring their needs in favor of their own, can be a form of manipulation.
- Constantly testing your limits.
- Entitlement, a sense of always being owed or deserving more than others, can make someone difficult to live with and deal with.
- Psychological urgency is a form of manipulation used by some individuals, including retail stores, to prompt impulsive reactions.
- Refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
- Being overly dependent or clingy.
- Blaming you for their actions or problems.
- Frequent attempts to "capture" someone's attention can indicate that the person is using them for their own benefit, without valuing or respecting them.
- Manipulating or lying to get their way.
Some individuals may use more extreme tactics, such as gaslighting or stonewalling, causing the victim to second-guess themselves and undermining them. Others may try to control you using guilt or fear, or engage in emotional and psychological manipulation involving gaslighting, stonewalling, reaction formation, lying, deception, and other negative behaviours.
If you find yourself in a relationship with an unstable, unhealthy, or abusive individual, it's essential to prioritise your safety and well-being. Getting away is the only hope.
The article will also cover ways to combat individuals attempting to push boundaries in a future article. Stay tuned for more insights on maintaining healthy boundaries and navigating challenging relationships.
